8 STEPS TO HEALING A BROKEN HEART

There are those few minutes — maybe a few hours — after you get dumped, when time seems to stop. Or maybe not stop, but it suddenly doesn’t matter anymore. There’s a surrealness of the moment. You know it’s happening, but you also know it shouldn’t be happening, and you rack your brain for the exact right things to say to make it stop. But what you might not realize in the moment is that he or she has been thinking about this for a long time, agonizing over the decision. So when it happens, it’s pretty much a sure thing. Nothing you say or do is going to change the inevitable.

Later, when you’re apart, you’ll think about all the things you did (or didn’t do) that may have led to that moment, and then punish yourself over them. Maybe you’ll plead with your ex-partner that you’ll change; things will be different. You’ll punish yourself further by only remembering the good times and forgetting about all the yelling matches and the times you went to bed without saying goodnight to each other.

In a long-term relationship — especially a marriage — this can feel like your world got flipped upside down. Your vision — your expectation — was that you’d spend the rest of your lives together. When that vision crumbles, it’s a huge loss, perhaps the biggest you’ve ever dealt with. Maybe it’s right to fight for the relationship, but at some point — if you don’t win him or her back — you’ll realize it’s fruitless.

Breaking up is never fun. The end of a relationship means the beginning of a period of mourning and healing for both people. If the break up was mutual both people will experience a period of adjustment where they are getting used to no longer being together. If the break up was not mutual the person who ended things may be dealing with guilt and feelings that they may have made a mistake. The person being broken up with will definitely have to adjust, first to being rejected and second to life without somebody they still care for. How do you get through those first few weeks? Here we list eight essential things everybody must do in the early days of a break up to let the healing begin.

1.  Avoid the former love. Yes, avoid. No, this isn’t being immature. Seeing your former flame can bring out emotions and may cause you do to or say something you will regret. In the first few weeks the best thing you can do for yourself is not be where you know they will be.

2.Talk out your feelings with close friends. Get everything out so that you won’t hold it inside. Your friends may get sick of hearing you talk about the situation but you need to let out all your feelings and thoughts or they may come back to bite you later.

3.Cry if you want to. It’s OK to cry over a loss. Don’t hold back, let the tears roll just do it in a safe and private place where it is unlikely to get back to your ex. You don’t want your tears to be used as a guilt trip. Their purpose is to cleanse you of any pain not make your lover come back.

4.      Let go of mementos. Put away or give away anything and everything that reminds you of the relationship. Hide them out of sight so they will be out of mind until you are able to remember the relationship without longing for it to still be going strong.

5.Don’t slip up and get together with your ex. When you are feeling sad or missing a relationship it can be very easy to fall back in to the arms of your ex but DO NOT DO THIS. This will only set you back and let’s face it, if things ended the relationship wasn’t perfect to begin with so why would you want to rekindle things?

6. Focus on all the things about your ex that drove you crazy, turned you off, or that you just plain found annoying. Think about these things often and replay them in your mind over and over. Dwell on them. It will make you feel better to remember that your former flame was not perfect and that there are things you won’t really miss.

7.Think about the mean, cruel or rude things your ex may have done in your relationship. Really give these things play in your memory. Remind yourself that somebody who truly cared for you would not have done such thoughtless things and tell yourself (over and over) that you are better off without that kind of ego crushing behavior in your life.

8.      Maintain a strict no contact policy and stick with it. Don’t pass notes through friends. Don’t make any calls. Stay away from instant messaging or texting on your cell. Just don’t contact your ex until you are totally and completely sure you no longer want to be with him or her. It is the only way.